You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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