Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
