we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
