when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
