There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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