Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
