I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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