i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
