Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
