I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
