She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
