Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Never joke about your clitoris.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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