my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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