it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
