he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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