We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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