Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
