She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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