PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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