ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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