So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
