I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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