I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
