College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
