Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
