help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
