My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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