upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
