bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
