the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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