you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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