We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
