Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
