It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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