im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
