I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
