While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
jump out the window naked night went bad
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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