I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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