Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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