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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
