Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's blow job season.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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