This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
