Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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