I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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