My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
