put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
