So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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