I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
