dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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