We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
