so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The uberlube is also flammable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize