how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
