I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
