yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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