so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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