Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
