I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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