if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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