some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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