I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
