did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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