Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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