He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
