The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
