your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
