your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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