Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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