I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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