I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
