Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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